That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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