Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize