Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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