my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
