Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
