just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
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