i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
