I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
