no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
