i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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