Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
