Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
