I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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