Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
