I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
