I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
