threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
