This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
