ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
