Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think my fart just growled at me.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
