Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I checked into jail on foursquare
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
