Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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