i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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