you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
