Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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