Nicole vs. Life
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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