i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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