My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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