i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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