I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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