I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
