you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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