Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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