the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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