Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize