He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Welp...herpes.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
