Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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