Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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