Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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