just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
