he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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