Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
