in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
