My cat gives me a boner
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
