Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Sext me about skeletons
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
