Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
