Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
