I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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