I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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