you guys were way drunker than both of me
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
