it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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