Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
