she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
