I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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