I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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