do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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