Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
