Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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