I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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