you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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