Jerry, you need to find god
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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