fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize