Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
