no you cant smoke seaweed
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
How does one acquire holy water?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
