First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Holy shit dude........stairs
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
