I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
