I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
