Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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