i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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