So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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