so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize