Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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