Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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