I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
