Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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