i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
