i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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