this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
