On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
