I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
it's like iHOP with fire
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
