i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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