I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize