i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
