Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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