i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
