Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
