his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
