That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
