i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
