ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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