Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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