and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
