Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We are all done wearing pants today
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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