i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
