Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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