I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
