Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
