I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
