Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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