Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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