i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
