apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
This toilet bowl is my home.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
