I think I just saw someone hide a body.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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