i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
