i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
