why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
it was like having sex with a tree stump
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
