Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
