I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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